So, I have been thinking a lot lately. In fact you might call it over thinking. I have allowed myself to become consumed with worries. Worries of the present, of the near future, and the far, yet not so far off future. I am nearing the end of my college career. I am over half way through student teaching. I feel like there is still a long way to go, but time is quickly passing. I have been trying to figure out for weeks what has really been going on, and I think I've figured it out. It boils down to this:
I hate goodbyes.
I hate change.
However, this is an inevitable part of life. I have not been able to avoid it thus far in my life, and I will not be able to avoid in the future. So I have a few choices.
1. I can live like it will not happen and live in denial.
2. I can live like it has already happened and push away from those around me.
3. I can accept that things will change and simply enjoy the time I have left in college, trusting that God will continue to provide as I move on.
Sometimes I would like to choose option 1 or 2. Unfortunately, these are unlivable. So, I have resolved that I must choose option 3. It's not always easy waiting for change... sometimes the waiting is worse than the change itself. In fact I often find that as I move on, I love the new place that I find myself.
I know that there will be times when I will miss my friends so much it hurts. But there will be new friends.
I know there will be times when I will wish that life could be easier. But I know that I'll grow.
I know that there will be times when I see why I have been through the experiences I've been through.
I know that there will be times when I know why I have had certain people in my life.
I thank God for all those things. I know them all in my head. Now, I have to know them in my heart.
This might seem a depressing post to some, but I assure you I am filled with hope to know that God can help me believe these things. He is constant. He is my sustainer and I know he will continue to do so during this time.
I hate goodbyes.
I hate change.
However, this is an inevitable part of life. I have not been able to avoid it thus far in my life, and I will not be able to avoid in the future. So I have a few choices.
1. I can live like it will not happen and live in denial.
2. I can live like it has already happened and push away from those around me.
3. I can accept that things will change and simply enjoy the time I have left in college, trusting that God will continue to provide as I move on.
Sometimes I would like to choose option 1 or 2. Unfortunately, these are unlivable. So, I have resolved that I must choose option 3. It's not always easy waiting for change... sometimes the waiting is worse than the change itself. In fact I often find that as I move on, I love the new place that I find myself.
I know that there will be times when I will miss my friends so much it hurts. But there will be new friends.
I know there will be times when I will wish that life could be easier. But I know that I'll grow.
I know that there will be times when I see why I have been through the experiences I've been through.
I know that there will be times when I know why I have had certain people in my life.
I thank God for all those things. I know them all in my head. Now, I have to know them in my heart.
This might seem a depressing post to some, but I assure you I am filled with hope to know that God can help me believe these things. He is constant. He is my sustainer and I know he will continue to do so during this time.
Jen, I love your honesty here. It's so true that life right now is a mix of emotions. I have felt things ranging from dread to excitement. As always, you're a inspiration to me. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, life is full of seasons. Try to make some lemonade out of the lemons, and appreciate the season you're living-- even if it is winter. Spring is coming! I mean that literally AND metaphorically. <3 Love you, Jennifer.
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