I'm not lying...
I just read an article this morning called, "I'm not a liar, but Facebook is." You can read the original article here. I was inspired by her honesty. She's not being negative, she's just trying to let us know that our perceptions of other people's lives aren't always quite the truth. People see the fun pictures we post on facebook and have the idea that our lives are perfect and so much better than theirs. We want to look on the positive side and realize our blessings, yet also be authentic and honest. I've realized that this is very well the case with missionaries. There are many things missionaries won't tell you if you just look at their blogs and their Facebooks and ask for a 5 second report. But here I go being honest again...
You see that I live an exciting and adventurous life in a different place. What you don't see is that some days aren't exciting in the least. They are just normal. Some days it feels like I'm "just going to work." The beautiful sights and excitement are sometimes few and far between. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for these beautiful places and once in a lifetime opportunities, but that isn't even close to my whole life.
You see my life must be filled with purpose. And it is. I have a job I love, but more importantly I have a God who defines my purpose. I get to do ministry every day and work with people. But what you don't see is that sometimes ministry doesn't feel productive. Some days are filled with running errands or preparing lessons. Just like your life. Some days, I still doubt my purpose and I wonder what I'm doing here. Sometimes I wonder if God is making an impact through me.
You see me loving and fitting in to another culture, learning the food, the customs. Having a new place become home is an exciting process. But even after four years, it's not completely home. In many senses of the word it has become home. What you don't see is the way that it is impossible to completely fit in. The way that sometimes I still feel misunderstood and like I'm being held at a distance. At the same time, I have been changed by this culture and don't fully feel like I fit in at "home" any more either.
You see me having a close relationship with Jesus. I do have a close relationship with Jesus and maybe spend more time with him than some people are able. He comforts my heart in times I have felt like I couldn't go on. But I'm not perfect. I thought of missionaries as spiritual super stars before, a level that I could never reach. I have realized that missionaries, including myself are just broken people seeking after Christ and trying to do his will. You don't see in these pictures of devotions or in statuses full of Bible verses that we are in a very real battle. I am full of as many doubts and mistakes as the next person.
You see me with other missionaries and friends who provide amazing companionship. I am so blessed to have other missionaries and teachers around me who are here to support me. I also have wonderful friends and family at home. But what you don't see is what happens when the community here is constantly changing. It becomes difficult to continually invest in others who are here. Thankfully there are also many who stay, and Honduran friends who are always here, but once again, you could be the next one leaving which makes it hard for people to invest in you as well.
I could add a few more that are more specific to myself about the mountains vs. the beautiful flatness of Indiana. The warm weather, but missing the seasons. This isn't meant to be a complaint, I truly love my life and love the people and things in these pictures, but so often we only see what is on the outside of people's lives. We can always think the grass is greener on the other side. I know I myself do that. Before I go doing that and looking at someone else's picture perfect life as a missionary or a teacher or whatever else I see, I want to remember that there are always beautiful parts and hard parts. So during this season, I am choosing and believing that God has put me in this beautiful and sometimes hard time of my life. He is so at work. He has also placed you where you are for the beautiful and the hard, whichever side might be more apparent to you right now.
You see that I live an exciting and adventurous life in a different place. What you don't see is that some days aren't exciting in the least. They are just normal. Some days it feels like I'm "just going to work." The beautiful sights and excitement are sometimes few and far between. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for these beautiful places and once in a lifetime opportunities, but that isn't even close to my whole life.
You see my life must be filled with purpose. And it is. I have a job I love, but more importantly I have a God who defines my purpose. I get to do ministry every day and work with people. But what you don't see is that sometimes ministry doesn't feel productive. Some days are filled with running errands or preparing lessons. Just like your life. Some days, I still doubt my purpose and I wonder what I'm doing here. Sometimes I wonder if God is making an impact through me.
You see me loving and fitting in to another culture, learning the food, the customs. Having a new place become home is an exciting process. But even after four years, it's not completely home. In many senses of the word it has become home. What you don't see is the way that it is impossible to completely fit in. The way that sometimes I still feel misunderstood and like I'm being held at a distance. At the same time, I have been changed by this culture and don't fully feel like I fit in at "home" any more either.
You see me with other missionaries and friends who provide amazing companionship. I am so blessed to have other missionaries and teachers around me who are here to support me. I also have wonderful friends and family at home. But what you don't see is what happens when the community here is constantly changing. It becomes difficult to continually invest in others who are here. Thankfully there are also many who stay, and Honduran friends who are always here, but once again, you could be the next one leaving which makes it hard for people to invest in you as well.
I could add a few more that are more specific to myself about the mountains vs. the beautiful flatness of Indiana. The warm weather, but missing the seasons. This isn't meant to be a complaint, I truly love my life and love the people and things in these pictures, but so often we only see what is on the outside of people's lives. We can always think the grass is greener on the other side. I know I myself do that. Before I go doing that and looking at someone else's picture perfect life as a missionary or a teacher or whatever else I see, I want to remember that there are always beautiful parts and hard parts. So during this season, I am choosing and believing that God has put me in this beautiful and sometimes hard time of my life. He is so at work. He has also placed you where you are for the beautiful and the hard, whichever side might be more apparent to you right now.
thanks for writing this, jennifer. love the honesty!
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