I can't...
This may not be a funny story, but it is something I'm learning that I thought I could share with all of you.
So, I always thought that I did a pretty good job at being confident of myself. For a while in the last year, I lost a lot of that confidence but before coming here I thought I gained much of it back. I have found however, that I have a bigger problem with it then I realized. People have told me for a long time I am too hard on myself. I always thought that was only true in certain situations. But I have come to realize that I am really a very insecure person. Part of this was brought to my attention by my dear house mate Erin. We had a little conversation that went like this:
Erin: So we’ll do this dance move.
ME: but you know I can’t dance right.
Erin: Yes, you can.
Me: No, I really can’t.
Erin: Oh yeah, just like you can’t speak Spanish or play the guitar?
Me:…. Touché
I had to laugh because this was a somewhat funny thing for her to say. But I realized that I have some serious insecurity issues. I don’t have to think I’m the best at something in order for God to use it or for it to be a gift. I don’t have to down play things because I feel insecure.
I can speak Spanish. I can sing. I can play the guitar. I can dance.
And I can even teach.
This has been one of the things I have believed I couldn’t do since I got here. Why do I do this? Why do I believe these lies about myself? I feel as if I am finally seeing clearly for once in my life that these things I believe are lies. I thought I saw them clearly, that other people were simply wrong. I don’t need to have confidence in a gloating way, but I should be sure of who I am and that God has given me gifts. I should be sure that God is shown to be perfect in my weaknesses. I can be sure that I am here for a reason. I am far from perfect. I will make mistakes. I will not ALWAYS be a good teacher. But I am learning from the master teacher.
So as I approach thanksgiving I want to denote some of the things I am thankful for. Today I am thankful for:
- The gifts that God has given me to use for his glory.
- The fact that even in my mistakes, God is showing his perfection.
- That I am loved and I have everything that I need to accomplish what God has laid out before me.
So, I always thought that I did a pretty good job at being confident of myself. For a while in the last year, I lost a lot of that confidence but before coming here I thought I gained much of it back. I have found however, that I have a bigger problem with it then I realized. People have told me for a long time I am too hard on myself. I always thought that was only true in certain situations. But I have come to realize that I am really a very insecure person. Part of this was brought to my attention by my dear house mate Erin. We had a little conversation that went like this:
Erin: So we’ll do this dance move.
ME: but you know I can’t dance right.
Erin: Yes, you can.
Me: No, I really can’t.
Erin: Oh yeah, just like you can’t speak Spanish or play the guitar?
Me:…. Touché
I had to laugh because this was a somewhat funny thing for her to say. But I realized that I have some serious insecurity issues. I don’t have to think I’m the best at something in order for God to use it or for it to be a gift. I don’t have to down play things because I feel insecure.
I can speak Spanish. I can sing. I can play the guitar. I can dance.
And I can even teach.
This has been one of the things I have believed I couldn’t do since I got here. Why do I do this? Why do I believe these lies about myself? I feel as if I am finally seeing clearly for once in my life that these things I believe are lies. I thought I saw them clearly, that other people were simply wrong. I don’t need to have confidence in a gloating way, but I should be sure of who I am and that God has given me gifts. I should be sure that God is shown to be perfect in my weaknesses. I can be sure that I am here for a reason. I am far from perfect. I will make mistakes. I will not ALWAYS be a good teacher. But I am learning from the master teacher.
So as I approach thanksgiving I want to denote some of the things I am thankful for. Today I am thankful for:
- The gifts that God has given me to use for his glory.
- The fact that even in my mistakes, God is showing his perfection.
- That I am loved and I have everything that I need to accomplish what God has laid out before me.
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